Taming Trauma :: a guest post at Cisneros Cafe {www.boldlytanya.com}

Taming Trauma :: A Guest Post @ Cisneros Cafe

May 21st, 2017

Trauma is a tricky beast, always festering and feeding, hoping to eat you alive from the inside out. You survive it, accept it, and hopefully thrive in spite of it. But you are never rid of it. It lingers like the scars it inflicts.

By eighteen years of age, I experienced seven different types of childhood trauma. I handled my trauma by pretending it wasn’t there. As each new trauma visited, I ripped off that piece and hid it away.

Abandonment.

Abuse.

Neglect.

Eventually, all seven traumas were sealed away and buried deep inside.

But trauma chafes and enflames. Although I quarantined my infected parts, they still rotted. The stench permeated my good parts, spoiling them, too. I kept hacking and concealing, but I couldn’t keep up.

I Need People

Jan 18th, 2015

Vulnerability. I can’t even say the word. It doesn’t eloquently glide through my mouth like more pleasant words. Instead, its jagged edges score my throat and obstruct the otherwise smooth mechanics of speech. Its sour taste makes me gag. Saying vulnerability is my biggest fear isn’t adequate. The thought of being vulnerable cripples me. It hinders my actions and renders me speechless. I cannot be weak. I cannot…

My Fleece {www.boldlytanya.com}

My Fleece

Dec 18th, 2014

So many times I have been drawn to the story of Gideon. So many times I heard of his cowardice. So many times I prayed God would give me courage, so that when He called, I would go without hesitation. Yet each time I study Gideon’s tale, I cannot help but identify with him. When we first meet Gideon (Judges 6), he is hiding in a winepress…

Sprinkles Make Everything Better{www.boldlytanya.com}

Sprinkles make everything better

Oct 19th, 2013

This week was stressful. Everything is out of whack. I mentioned here how I have been on autopilot. Unfortunately, my autopilot isn’t that spectacular. It is very base and only serves my needs and the very smallest needs of my people. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the moment I decide to turn it off is the same moment that everyone crashes into me….

Vicious Grudges {www.boldlytanya.com}

Vicious Grudges

Aug 10th, 2013

I was ranting at an old friend a while ago. About what, I can’t even say because it was so slight it has proven to be unmemorable. The only thing I can positively say is that I was rabid with indignation. In the middle of my verbal tirade, he paused and said, “Tanya, you hold some vicious grudges.” … I was completely taken aback. Who,…

How Far Am I Willing To Go? {www.boldlytanya.com}

How far am I willing to go?

Aug 4th, 2013

I have spent a lot of time this week working on our MOPS steering retreat. So naturally, it is on the forefront of my mind. This year, the idea of reaching EVERY mom just resonates with me. It isn’t a new idea. It has been part of the vision at least since I have been in this group. We are supposed to reach EVERY mother…

Recurring dream

Jun 8th, 2013

For as long as I can remember, I have had this recurring dream where I am fishing with my grandpa. I can smell grass, pungent lake water, and his old spice. The birds are singing and gnats are buzzing by my ear. I am sitting cross-legged on the bank, holding a fishing pole and mindlessly drawing in the dirt with small sticks as I wait…